Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
PANTIES FOUND
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