He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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