woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
