i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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