i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
