...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So many bounce houses so little time
I want to be your penis for a week.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
