Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
