ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
