Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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