I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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