Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I cannot find my penis.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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