She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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