eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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