Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
