Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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