took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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