Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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