Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
