You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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