No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
