My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
