he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
