i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
