I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
