Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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