took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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