Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
