I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's blow job season.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
