When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
