Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
