She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
