erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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