I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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