So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
