Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
