jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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