he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
