He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
