I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
time to smoke my breakfast
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
