I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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