i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize