Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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