Your mouth is God's brothel.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
