Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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