So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
