You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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