God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
