i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
