so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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