Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
