I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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