He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Pants are for mortals
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
