Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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