Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The best revenge is premature balding
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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