Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That accounts for only three of the penises
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
