At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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