He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
