the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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