wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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