According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
