he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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