my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
