I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
