Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So many bounce houses so little time
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
