Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
