there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize