I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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