You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
