I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
