Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize