everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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