His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
