There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
