Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
