a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
