just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize