I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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