You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
