i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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