I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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