He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just blew my weed a kiss
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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