How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
