please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Let's get the cat blown out
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
