Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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