One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
