you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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