Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
