I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
