Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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