i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
40s are totally the cure
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
