dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
