We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
