Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
