Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
