Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
