Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize