Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
