i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
