Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
