Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
