Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
