I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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