Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
