Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
