I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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